All in Series

I thought I knew how I would answer this, but sitting in a church this Christmas, watching a play with my family and hearing my mom pray... I don't know what I believe - or why I should believe in a book that was written so many years ago. I don't want to attach myself to the Christian label, but I still find myself saying I'm a Christian, albeit with much more hesitation than I used to. 

I’ve never believed in a sentient higher power. Part of it is that I wasn’t raised to believe it, but I could never get past the idea that a creator could be both omnipotent and kind. I also didn’t like that only good things are attributed to God, while bad things are attributed to humanity or the devil.

You could say I live prayerfully. I do my best to be a "doer of the word." I'm attracted to how Jesus lived counter-culturally and wasn't satisfied with the status quo. He even disagreed with the religious. This is an area where I especially identify with Him.

I have a regular practice of meditation using tarot, oracle, stonework and prayer, with incense and candles, while connecting with my center. I'm learning to be confident in my pagan skin. I focus on surrounding myself with people who share and support my beliefs and recently had an opportunity to join a group ritual. The power of the group was grounding and healing. 

I have been most open to the truth when I am desperate and vulnerable. I also had to be willing to lay down religion to find truth, and it has been the greatest exchange of my life - walking hand-in-hand with Jesus versus just knowing about him.

When the doubts creep in, I remind myself of the commitment I made. I have committed myself to being a Christ-follower for the rest of my life. Therefore, I will continue to follow him even when the doubts are shouting in both ears. When bad things happen, when my prayers aren’t answered, I remember my commitment.

I was raised in an affluent Protestant church and briefly married in the Catholic church many years ago. I even considered conversion to Catholicism, but in the first meeting, they were already making a big ask. I was demanded to believe a part of a story I had just heard.

I believe in the power of the Universe that lives inside of us, and our undeniable oneness. I believe that we work every day to believe in our true power so that we can create what we really want in this lifetime, and that we have more to learn in the next. We're sentient beings creating and sharing energy, learning the ropes on how to make shifts so that energy stays high without being draining.