All tagged Confessions

As I began carrying the weight of these confessions, I thought back farther and my role as a pastor's wife had nothing to do with the over-sharing: this has always been my life. I am a secret keeper and it's no secret. It's instinctive for people to know when they meet someone they can bare their soul to without fear of judgment. I've often referred to it as my curse, but now I understand it is my gift. A gift not to take lightly.

I like trucks and camping and eating meat and shooting guns and hard music and action movies and big muscles and beer. I like to run wild at the beach and punch the waves. I am a man. But lately I’ve felt like I’ve had to keep that to myself; I’ve felt looked down upon because of my "classic" masculine behaviors.

I usually backed him up because that’s what a “good Christian wife” is supposed to do. Sometimes I’d plead the case of one of our children, but he’d shout me down about how a house divided cannot stand and that our children would suffer for not seeing their parents united.

Pro-Lifers want to talk women out of having abortions but too many are unwilling to go the extra mile to support them when they choose life. To me, these people are part of the problem; they are Pro-Choicers wearing the mask of Pro-Life. They are making the choice to do nothing except picket and judge, pointing fingers and placing blame.

Because of my fears, I came up with a plan - a lie - to tell people I was a surrogate for another couple who couldn’t have a child on their own. After I delivered the baby, I could pretend it didn’t happen. New people I met would never know I had a baby and placed it up for adoption.