All tagged Discovery Process
The expectations I have of myself are far heavier than those from anyone else. My commitment to keeping my blog active is an assumed expectation, a perceived responsibility, from an invisible, and mostly quiet audience that has weighed me down to the point of horrendous writer's block.
If I have a belief that is based on reason and experience but someone I trust is inviting me on a journey to question my beliefs, I will gladly go on that adventure. The best beliefs can withstand a little mental batting around.
I thought I knew how I would answer this, but sitting in a church this Christmas, watching a play with my family and hearing my mom pray... I don't know what I believe - or why I should believe in a book that was written so many years ago. I don't want to attach myself to the Christian label, but I still find myself saying I'm a Christian, albeit with much more hesitation than I used to.
I’ve never believed in a sentient higher power. Part of it is that I wasn’t raised to believe it, but I could never get past the idea that a creator could be both omnipotent and kind. I also didn’t like that only good things are attributed to God, while bad things are attributed to humanity or the devil.
You could say I live prayerfully. I do my best to be a "doer of the word." I'm attracted to how Jesus lived counter-culturally and wasn't satisfied with the status quo. He even disagreed with the religious. This is an area where I especially identify with Him.
I have a regular practice of meditation using tarot, oracle, stonework and prayer, with incense and candles, while connecting with my center. I'm learning to be confident in my pagan skin. I focus on surrounding myself with people who share and support my beliefs and recently had an opportunity to join a group ritual. The power of the group was grounding and healing.
I have been most open to the truth when I am desperate and vulnerable. I also had to be willing to lay down religion to find truth, and it has been the greatest exchange of my life - walking hand-in-hand with Jesus versus just knowing about him.
When the doubts creep in, I remind myself of the commitment I made. I have committed myself to being a Christ-follower for the rest of my life. Therefore, I will continue to follow him even when the doubts are shouting in both ears. When bad things happen, when my prayers aren’t answered, I remember my commitment.
I was raised in an affluent Protestant church and briefly married in the Catholic church many years ago. I even considered conversion to Catholicism, but in the first meeting, they were already making a big ask. I was demanded to believe a part of a story I had just heard.